Un om cu întrebări


Lil stormed into the room holding a glass of whisky in her ring wearing white fingers. She sat on the couch and without any introduction started to storm:

Falling in love is the ultimate trauma for my existence. My brain, body and heart will enter this event and never be the same again. There is no effective recovery for it. People often say they fell in love with their hearts when, in fact, only the brain can be blamed for it. It’s the brain that tells me: see, like, want, take, have. It’s the brain that leaves me wanting for more and more hours of smooth talks with „the one”. It’s the brain that puts that dumb smile on my face and the out of this world sparkle in my eyes. It’s still him that through the need of being cared for, understood and loved makes me believe I am invincible, untouchable and that I have never or will ever feel the same. It’s the brain that makes me imagine nights of sleepless love, either in front of a cosy fire or near the darken sea. And, of course, it’s still him that will make me hear everywhere I go the song that seems to be composed just for the two of us.

Run out of air when he walks by? Dizzy when he looks into my eyes? Ecstatic when I hear his voice on the phone? Butterflies when I see what a perfect match we are? Belief he is my kinder spirit? Convinced that was best sex ever? It’s all because of the brain! Not the heart, people !!! The heart does not have neuron-transmitters to induce happiness and addiction substances into my body. The heart pumps more blood because the brain told her to!
The brain will later over-analyse things and induce fear, doubt, wonder, argue. My body will also be in some kind of a trauma… I will either eat the entire time and gain few pounds, either starve myself as the growing emotions will kill my appetite. Sleepless nights will give me even darker eyes … My entire body will be oscillating between vigour and weakness, depending upon how the brain will assess the love that is happening.

My heart? My heart will try to fight it … Despite what the brain tells her, the heart, just like the woman I am, will tell me not go get into this guy. The heart, covered in bleeding bandages, with the oxygen mask on, broken into pieces from so many cardiac arrests, bruised by the many electroshocks she has been suffering from, will tell me not to crush my head against the wall, all over again, as also this time there will blood all over.

My heart, stabbed, shot, broken, resurrected, bandaged, will scream into my veins not to take that ultimate step, not to say „I am in love with you” even tough, let’s face it, he already knows that. So please, Highness Fate, have some mercy and give me more heart and less brain”.
She got up and left the room just as sudden as she came in. I was thinking to myself that she is only partially right. It may be the brain that starts it up, but it’s the stupid heart that once entered into a love connection, will behave like lunatic, ignoring all the warnings the brain is sending her: „you do not belong together, there is too much to sacrifice here, soul mates exist only in the movies, you are not alike, you’re over your heels while he’s wide awake” and other alarms that brain insists into sending.

So, dear and poor heart, do you think there is even the slightest chance that you and the brain will ever agree on something? And somebody? I swear that if the two of you don’t do that in the near future, my body and I will leave you unemployed!


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