Un om cu întrebări

Woman’s letter to younger friend

Dear Oana,

I won’t waste much of our time trying to convince you that everything passes. I will tell you instead what I think, as un-censored as possible, as it seems to me the time has come for you to receive a really cold shower from my part:

You are born. You live. You die. Period. „Born” and „dead” are the things that will appear on your tombstone. Not what you did while you lived. Did you really live ? Think about some of the things you are told since childhood: behave like others, don’t embarrass your dear ones, be content with life is giving you, take things as they are, act normal. No, not in all environments this is a must. But in the ones I know, the ones my parents, colleagues, friends lived, they are. The idea is that you have to adjust yourself to life. I read somewhere that man is the only living creature that adjust the environment according to his needs and not the other way around.

Don’t get me wrong, I am not an anarchist, I believe in the utility of rules, laws, principles and all other set of agreements that make the world don’t be a continuous chaos. Still … the middle period between “born” and “dead”, the only one on which you get to decide, may often be based on false arguments. So the question is: do you really live? Old people write letters to younger ones explaining how old age is a privilege, a blessing and how they would not trade it for nothing in the world for being young again. And it’s not that old people do not crave for the youth’s easiness, better physical shape or feeling of “what’s best is yet to come”. Old people are not insane. But they learn something I needed 40 years to understand: in the end, it’s all about how you live. You. Not your parents, family, school teachers, boyfriend, best friend or anybody else. This is not a selfish attitude. It’s feeling better with yourself. Understanding that your crisis, the ones that make your thoughts wander around like a ghost, are there because they are trying to tell you something: to live.

Live every damn second like it’s your last. Is there any optimistic part to all this dark and twisted, personal view? Of course! You need to do everything in your power to hurry “the big click”. The big click is that amazing force that gets you out of self pity – either it’s because of a trauma – death of someone you loved, a huge disappointment – getting cheated or any other kind of hurt of your soul. Is like the massive damage that has been done to you seems to never go away. It’s like you are the worthless being on Earth or as if all the weight of the world rests upon your shoulders. Is like the guilt of all human kind is a bloody weed that you can’t snatch out of your veins. It’s like carrying on in something that can’t be fixed with the entire NASA equipment. Is like when everybody tries to drag you down. Is like when looking in the mirror you see only failure.

Wake up !!! Click ! Something needs to click inside !!!

You can’t? You won’t? You’re sick and tired?

You’ve had enough? Who the hell do you think you are to decide when you’ve had enough? Ooo, you’re your own master. Nobody tells you what to do. You don’t want to listen. Right you are ! You should not listen to me, I am an old fool. But you should listen to people that really proved there is no limit when you want something. I don’t know you, you say, so I don’t have the right to judge you? Is that so? Then why you call me each time you are two feet beneath lowest point possible? Your drama and trauma is unique? Your hurt is beyond compare? Is that so? What about mothers that bury both sons in the same day? What about husbands that lose their wives to cancer? What about girls that get raped several times by several people? What about soldiers that see their comrades heads blown off two feet from them?

Ooo, these are the big and rare events, you deal with everyday survival with your mind … I apologize .. my bad … you’re kidding me, right? Starvation, murder, homeless, fatal diseases and other things that are happening near you are big and rare …

YOU NEED TO GET A GRIP ON YOURSELF ! That click I am talking about is something that exists hidden inside your spirit. Is not magic, Holly Spirit or the sign of elected people. Is what everyone has inside them. Is the human sparkle. Either it’s called determination, ambition, never give up, keep moving forward or kick ass attitude, it’s yours. You have it, I have it, all men have it. They just forgot it.

So, please argue with that as much as you want, yell, get drunk, runaway in the woods for couple of days, do whatever you need to get that click to work. In the moment you do that, you will see you and others and the world with different eyes. You will need to work twice as hard until now, ‘cause you see what is worth for: YOU.

You and your click will no longer feel sorry for yourself. You and your click will no longer feel poor, ugly, stupid, and inappropriate. You are both going to live. As each second would be your last.

Please, dear friend, do this ! Not for me, but for yourself, I beg of you!

Love, Lil!”



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